We don’t want to downplay shoplifting and petty theft. Both cost businesses and consumers millions of dollars each year.
But when Florida State University’s Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback Jameis Winston left a Tallahassee, FL-area Publix grocery store last week without paying for $32 worth of crab legs, it left the door wide open for some humor.
It didn’t take long before rivals were calling out FSU — saying it stands for Free Seafood University, etc.
And I harkened (yeah, I used the word harkened) back to the old joke when one proclaims themselves to be on a Seafood Diet — “When I see food, I eat it.” Hardy har har!
Well, Winston might say, “When I seafood, I steal it.”
That is just downright shellfish behavior if you ask me.
Who does he think he is? Obviously he thinks he is a pearl of a guy, sitting high on his perch — but I think more things will come trout soon about him.
Winston seems like the type of guy that thought the whole thing would boil over.
I asked myself, “Hey, why stop at a couple pounds of crablegs. After all, he’s no shrimp. With all his mussels he could have carried out the whole tank of lobsters.”
But you have to give the guy credit. At least he didn’t clam up when police showed up at his door.
Make no mistake, the cops knew the allegation had some legs and so it didn’t take them long to crack the case. You’d butter believe it, Winston was steamed that they caught him — hook, line and sinker. But quickly excused himself to go clam for an exam.
Now consider that his story wasn’t that he couldn’t shell out the clams to buy the crab legs — but simply that he “forgot to pay.” That’s a whale of a story if I ever heard one!
Teflon Winston probably thought he would walk on these charges — sideways maybe, but walk nonetheless. Yet, it was obvious this time that police had probable claws to arrest him. Instead, however, they decided to pinch Winston with an “adult citation.” Just 20 hours of community service (keep him away from the meat department!) for his crime. Hey, that’s no raw deal for ol Jameis … but seems a little fishy to me.
Ok, OK. That’s some punny stuff for sure, but let’s knock it off. After all, this is sad. Very sad.
Some might say it was a victimless crime — though the crab might disagree — and it is merely a young (hungry) man doing a stupid thing.
Sure, that happens. But the fact that Winston has no previous arrest record might likely be due to all the free “get out of jail” cards and free passes he has seemingly benefited from.
I’m sure you recall that Winston has hardly been a model citizen — before OR after his National Championship-winning season.
Of course there’s the allegations of a sexual assault from January of 2013 —but that only came to light in November of last year. After an extensive investigation by the Florida state attorney, no charges were brought against Winston for the alleged sexual assault, but the police reports and witness affidavits painted a less-than-favorable picture of the star QB.
There was the BB gun war that Winston and other FSU athletes engaged in, breaking many dorm windows. And the report of Winston stealing soda from a local Burger King. Oh, and then just last month, The New York Times also published a report that another woman had sought counseling after a sexual encounter with Winston. The woman did not suggest a crime had occurred, but she said she was shaken by the experience.
Seems Winston has a hard time keeping his nose clean.
What struck me about last week’s incident is the fact that, when police came knocking at his door three hours later, Winston acknowledged not paying for the food but said he forgot. Yet, at the same time he admitted he made no effort to call the store and let them know that paying for the crustaceans had crossed his mind and that he would be back to pay for them.
Entitled … That’s the word that comes to mind. Winston sees what he wants, he takes what he wants, and he thinks is above any repercussions.
Why, even his statement to the media during “Crab-Gate” shows that he just doesn’t get it. Here it is:
“As reported in the news, last night I received an adult citation for petit theft from a local supermarket,” the statement read. “I went to the supermarket with the intent to purchase dinner but made a terrible mistake for which I’m taking full responsibility. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items.
“I realize that I am in the public spotlight and my conduct needs to be above reproach. Over the last year I’ve learned that my accomplishments on the fields can be a wonderful thing for my school, teammates, friends and family. At the same time, I must realize that my mistakes are magnified and can bring great embarrassment to all those who support me every day.
“I make no excuses for my actions and will learn and grow from this unfortunate situation. I hope and pray my friends and family will view me as the 20 year old young man that I am, and support me through this unfortunate situation. I am grateful to be able to participate in the adult citation program where I will complete community service.”
A moment of “youthful ignorance”?!
His “mistakes are magnified”?! You are one of the best known athletes in America … that is why they are magnified.
He goes on to say he makes “no excuses” for his actions, but has the nerve to call it an “unfortunate situation”?! Twice he calls it that! This wasn’t a bad break, things not going his way. This “situation” is one — like the others — that he put HIMSELF in.
I would not be surprised at all to see him in more “situations” in the future.
And there’s nothing funny about that at all.