Tired of talking to computers? Be careful what you wish for
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If you are like me, you get tired of making phones calls and getting a computer on the other line.
What ever happened to the good old days when you talked to a live, breathing human that could answer your customer service questions or direct you in some way or fashion?
Well, have you ever done the Cha-Cha? No, not the dance … rather, the company that provides free, real-time answers to any question, both online and through cell phone texting.
Now I use the phrase “real-time answers” almost sarcastically because, as you will see in a minute, their answers at times are about as useful as a mudflaps on a speed boat.
You see, my wife, Tracy, and I were out Friday evening on our date night enjoying a meal at the Druid Hills Fireside Lounge. On the television was a golf tournament and I noticed Justin Leonard about to hit a shot.
A former British Open champion, Leonard has dipped to a world ranking of 169.
I said to Tracy, “Boy, you hardly hear about him any more.” And then I added a little morsel of trivia, saying, “He was once called the most eligible bachelor in golf … I don’t know if he has ever gotten married.”
Tracy said, “Well, let me ChaCha it.”
And here’s how that texting conversation went. (Keep in mind, this is a live person — a ‘Guide’ that is paid by ChaCha)…
Us: Is golfer Justin Leonard married?
ChaCha: Justin Leonard is still kicking it on the golf course at 36 years of age.
Us: Yeah, but is he married?
ChaCha: I can not find any information on whether Steve Abreo is married. There is a Teresa Abreo listed but not at the same address.
Us: I wanna know if golfer Justin Leonard is married?
ChaCha: Justin Leonard is still kicking it on the golf course at 36 years of age.
Us (we are on to him, but remain insistent): Is golfer Justin Leonard married?
ChaCha: Jessica Biel began dating singer and actor Justin Timberlake in January 2007.
Us: I STILL would like to know if golfer Justin Leonard is married!
ChaCha: Notice if she gives you random hugs. With this, you can go along with it if you want, or just…
Us: Wowzer …can u tell me if golfer Justin Leonard is married or not??!
ChaCha: You should only marry a person that you truly love. Not just someone you think you love.
Us (we are laughing by this time but continue our full-court press): I will remember that, but can golfer Justin Leonard give me true love…OR IS HE MARRIED????
ChaCha: Sadly, I have no crystal ball to read your fortune. I do believe that everyone can find true love if they stop looking for it.
Us: I’m not asking you to tell my fortune, but can you tell me if Justin Leonard, the golfer, is already married???
ChaCha: Justin told Jay Leno what else he aspired to be when he was younger.
Us: K. I give up.
ChaCha: Don’t give up! Whatever you need to know, your friendly neighborhood ChaCha Guide can find the answer for you! ChaCha on!
Us (rolling our eyes): You haven’t helped yet.
ChaCha: We have replied! The last answer was, ‘Yes, Chino is a dimwit. He is selfish and doesn’t care about anybody else.’ ChaCha again!
Us: That was NOT an answer to any question I asked!
ChaCha: Well, I am sorry that you were not able to get the answer you wanted. Please restate your question and ChaCha will do its best to give you a better answer.
Us (giving him a dose of his own meds): I have asked you 6 times…shall I type it more slowly? I-s g-o-l-f-e-r J-u-s-t-i-n L-e-o-n-a-r-d m-a-r-r-i-e-d?
ChaCha: of laughter erupted from me just then. This was a game I knew well. She would take a cab and go to the bar where she worked.
Us: Ok, now you’re just messin’ with me!
ChaCha: I’m sorry for the problem. Let me know what you need. I’m here to help you.
Us (we decide to go a different direction): I have another question for you…How much does a ChaCha researcher, such as yourself, earn per response?
ChaCha: Guides generally make $3 to $9 per hour, though some Guides can and do earn more than that.
Us: So, how much are you making tonight off these pitiful answers…lol…if you don’t know if Justin Leonard is married or not, just say so!
ChaCha: bebe je t’adore beaucoup tu ne s’ais pas (which we later googled and found it was French for “Baby, I love you so much you just don’t even know it”).
Us: aw, c’mon now!
ChaCha: According to the website stlyrics.com the song Get together was written and performed by the…
Us: You think you’re pretty funny, don’t ya?
ChaCha: Thank you, the guides do try to bring a little humor now and then. Do you have another question for us?
Us: yes…IS JUSTIN LEONARD MARRIED?!
ChaCha: Leonard Cohen’s not married. He is romantically involved with, and working with, Anjani Thomas. He used to date Rebecca DeMornay.
Us: How about Leonard Nimoy, then?
ChaCha: Jessica Biel began dating singer and actor Justin Timberlake in January 2007.
Us: You already told me that…and I already knew that…I asked about Justin Leonard…is he married?
And it went downhill (even more) from there.
Made us both want to pick up our cells and call “Free 411” — at least there we can talk to a computer.
Hey, have you ever used that service?
Well, uh, but that’s a story for another time …
